photo credit: Sakara Ross
In a world reliant on digital relationships through texting, social media and dating apps, it’s important to remember that not all relationships need to be built on technology, and reverting to the classic love languages can show someone how one truly cares.
Classic Love Languages and Friendships
Five classic love languages are prominent in relationships: physical touch, gifts, acts of service, quality time and words of affirmation. Every person shows an attraction, in one way or another, to these five love languages.
“Personally, my love language is physical touch. I prefer it because it tells me what my partner is really feeling and gives a feeling of genuineness, as opposed to other things like talking, which can easily be manipulated,” a sophomore Andrew Fenton said.
When relationships use any of the five classic love languages, they are said to be much more successful and create stronger, lasting bonds and communication between two partners, according to simplepsychology.org.
These love languages are essential to a relationship’s success, as when they align between two partners, they further strengthen the previously existing bond. This being said, relationships that don’t follow specific love languages can still succeed.
“Relationships can definitely succeed without people having specific love languages because it is important to care for the other person, or just like who they are as a person, not about what act of personal love they have,” sophomore Norah Pelphrey said.
When both partners express the same love language, a certain emotional equilibrium is reached, and both the act of expressing and receiving a specific love language provides emotional feedback. With that being said, there are many successful ways to compromise when partners do not share a love language.
If both partners feel more emotionally connected through different love languages, a simple solution to prevent rifts is for each partner to learn the other’s love language and how to express it properly, according to psychologist Dr. Gary Chapman from simplepsychology.org.
Though the five classic love languages share equal amounts of affection, some remain less used by others. The most common of these “underrated” love languages is the act of giving and receiving gifts.
“I believe gift-giving is very much overlooked in a relationship. Oftentimes, we forget that gifts can be the simplest way to really show a person that you really do care and want to put effort into a relationship,” Fenton said.
While many love languages vary from person to person, just because there is a certain way that someone would feel the most love expressed to them at a certain point in time doesn’t mean they have to have that love language for the rest of their life.
“My love language probably has changed over time because I used to believe that my love language was words of affirmation, but to me, it just sounds like someone is saying it to me, and I don’t feel anything. I feel like receiving gifts is just much more of a thoughtful and compassionate gesture for someone to do,” Pelphrey said.
It is always important in a relationship-filled world that is constantly evolving to meet the standards of technology to remember the roots of the original five crucial love languages.
The different love languages are mostly associated with romantic relationships, but it’s just as, if not more important to use these languages with one’s friends.
“My love languages are quality time and acts of service,” senior Maddie Martin said. “My friends and I love quality time together, and we always hang out at our favorite restaurants and go on drives.”
According to Friendship With Intention, words of affirmations are using words to show affection, like through compliments, and quality time is spending time with other people.
Friendship With Intention continues on to describe receiving gifts as buying / receiving thoughtful gifts from friends, acts of service as providing help to friends and physical touch is physically touching one’s friend, with consent obviously.
“My main love language is gift giving. I love seeing people’s reactions to receiving a personal gift,” junior Maddie Patton said.
Friendships are important in life, especially during high school. Friendship can be a place for people to feel comfortable and when they can be themselves. Friendships also provide support, especially during hard times.
“Friendships improve my life because they provide support and comfort to not feel so alone,” Martin said.
Friendships can also be an escape from pressure and responsibility. Friends can provide a place to let one’s guard down and just have fun.
“Honestly, friendships are a place where you don’t feel judged and criticized. Parents have stricter rules and sometimes can’t be as supportive. With friends, you can build your own little family, be yourself and not worry about responsibilities,” Patton said.
Having healthy friendships is just as important, if not more important in some cases, than romantic relationships. Having people to relate to and socialize with can improve not only mental but also physical health.
“Solid friendships,” AP Psychology teacher Brooke Sandy said, ” are a good indicator of our overall health and honestly longevity in life. Friendships can be longer lasting and more important in some instances than romantic relationships, although not always the case, but having close friendships, socialization, people that you relate to, you enjoy being around, those are all things that add value to our life and that is beneficial for our mental and physical health from decades of research.”
Showing love to one’s friends is so important to sustain healthy friendships. Love languages are a great way to show friends how much they mean, and doing it in a way that really makes them feel loved and appreciated can make all the difference.
“The different love languages help you understand how to help your friends and get little insight into people’s lives. You can use them to show how much you love your friends,” Patton said.
According to health network, humans are inherently social creatures, and showing affection strengthens social bonds, causing them to be stronger and last longer.
“It’s important because it adds to friendships, to the value of them, to the experience of friendships and to the development of human relationships,” Sandy said.
Sometimes, people can begin to question if their friends really do enjoy being around them, and that’s just a part of life. It’s so important to remind people how important they are to try to prevent this insecurity. According to Contented Mind from the UK, friendship anxiety, though not a medical term, is common, and it can be shown through symptoms of jealousy and having trouble saying no to friends.
“Some people struggle with wondering if their friends actually like them, and that’s a part of high school. A big part of friendships is a need to feel validated,” Patton said.
It’s important to show love to different people in different ways. Not everyone is going to appreciate and love all the same things, so it’s important to show love to different people in different ways.
“It depends on the person, no matter what respect their love language,” Patton said
It’s especially important to make sure to avoid making people feel uncomfortable. According to Simplicity Relished, using a friend’s preferred method of affection can lead to a better connection and grow the friendship more.
“What one person is comfortable with in terms of signs of love and affection, like words of affirmation or physical touch, is not necessarily what another person may be comfortable with and so a good friend, first and foremost, would ensure that they’re in congruence on that, right, that like if somebody doesn’t like hugs you’re not giving them hugs all the time,” Sandy said
While love languages are fun and all, there’s not really any science behind them. The truth is in a healthy relationship, it’s important to incorporate all of the different love languages.
“Psychologists who work in couples therapy frown upon love languages because they are too vague or too general, and technically people are going to utilize the skills of all love languages in a given relationship,” Sandy said.
Digital Love Languages
There are many pros and cons to showing one cares for someone online, especially when someone is in a long distance relationship with a friend, partner or family member. However, there are tons of ways one can stay connected and express different love languages over the phone.
According to Utah State University, long-distance couples can build strong emotional intimacy, cultivate effective communication and grow both individually and together. Couples, friendships, along with all types of relationships, can strengthen one’s bond with another because people cherish their time together even more because of that distance away.
“With my siblings, I find it hard to tell them I miss them or love them. So, instead, I text them life updates in cryptic and abrupt ways. This is not only to show them that I miss them but also express my personality,” senior Hadlee Hall said
Rather than expressing affection through direct words, one can also rely on indirect communication to maintain closeness with one’s siblings. By sending brief updates about their life, they convey care in a way that feels emotionally manageable and authentic to who one is.
“An in-person relationship is far more important with the exception of long distance. Virtual relationships have the safety of a barrier, but it’s still important to send frequent texts,” Hall said.
The importance of face-to-face relationships is crucial, while also acknowledging that virtual connections can feel emotionally beneficial.
“Personally, love can be strengthened with the amount of time spent with loved ones, so maintaining a close relationship is difficult with distance. Primarily because regardless of who’s in your life, people grow separate from each other, which can result in outgrowing one another. Without physical closeness, a relationship can fade easily,” junior Robert Franklin said.
Along with these positive aspects of showing love for someone over the phone, staying connected with someone digitally can be very difficult. The lack of physical presence can make it harder to read emotions, maintain meaningful conversations and build trust, often leading to misunderstandings or feelings of distance over time.
“Me and my brother, who’s two years older than me, which means I was in high school with him for the first two years of my high school experience. I would drive with him to and from school, and we’d always have conversations, and then he graduated, which meant I didn’t have those five minute conversations about my day anymore. Now, I have to text him, which makes showing love with him a lot harder. So, I’ll call him or text him, which helps me replace those car rides we used to have,” Hall said.
Graduating and physical distance can change how people communicate with loved ones, making it harder to maintain the closeness people once shared. However, digital affection still helps replace those in-person interactions.
“I like texting a little check in every once in a while to see how my loved one’s life has progressed. Texting a ‘I was thinking about you, how have you been’ is my favorite way to reconnect closeness with someone who I don’t see all the time. Along with calling for hours because that feels most like an in-person interaction,” Franklin said.
Self-Love
When people think of love, it is often the romantics that come to mind: flowers, dates and promise rings. Less often does it bring to mind the much more important ideals of self love and personal self care habits.
Self care is defined in the Oxford language dictionary as a practice in which one takes action to preserve and to improve one’s health.
“Self-care is important because it supports your overall well-being. Life can be unpredictable and filled with both challenges and stressors. Consistently practicing self-care helps individuals navigate difficult situations with greater balance, resilience and emotional stability,” Olentangy’s mental health specialist Jill Archibald said.
There are many nonprofits and organizations working toward the goal of making self care a more accessible and common practice, one of those being The Scatter Joy Project. A mental health organization that works to raise awareness through action and creative efforts, according to their website.
“People are carrying pressure, expectations, comparison, grief, fear about the future and the feeling that they’re supposed to have life figured out already. Self-care is how you don’t disappear inside all of that or lose yourself along the way. It’s how you stay connected to who you are when school, social media and the world start telling you who you should be,” the founder of The Scatter Joy Project Zachariah Thompson said.
For students in particular, self care becomes even more applicable to one’s daily schedules.
“Self care is important because as people and as students especially, we tend to get caught up in a million things like extracurriculars, keeping good grades, sports and so much more. So that makes it even more important to take care of yourself,” Co-Founder of the school’s Heart and Mind Club and grade Diya Hareesh said.
There are many ways that someone can practice self care; for some, like Hareesh, prefer to clear their headspace by spending allotted time cleaning their room and personal spaces. For others, connecting with nature and spending time outside is a more important way to practice self care.
“I try to incorporate more movement in my days, getting outside and enjoying sunshine and warmer temps when they are available, and prioritizing sleep. Every so often I check in with myself and reflect on how I feel I am doing. This practice helps me identify areas where adjustments may be needed, such as increasing time spent on hobbies or strengthening connections with family and friends,” Archibald said.
It is important to simply take into account what works best for each individual person, schedule and life.
“The first step is learning how to name what you’re feeling. A lot of us don’t even notice our emotions until we’re completely overwhelmed, and when we finally stop, it’s not one clear feeling; it’s just everything. There’s a lot of nuance to emotion, and because of that, the care we need is nuanced too,” Thompson said.
Archibald said it is important to remember that self-care doesn’t need to be an additional task, and that it is something that can be incorporated into one’s existing routine.
“When you get busy, I feel like it is even more important to take care of yourself so that you don’t get stressed out or burnt out. When I get really busy, I tend to focus on smaller things that make me happy and can help me to avoid burning out,” Hareesh said.
There are many small and simple ways that one can easily work on incorporating into daily life in order to prioritize their mental wellbeing.
“For example, consider your sleep habits. If you often go to bed late while scrolling on your phone or watching a show, try a more consistent routine that includes an earlier bedtime, improved personal hygiene, and limited screen time. You might even consider journaling as a replacement for phone use before bed,” Archibald said.
The thing that is most important to remember is that self care is individual to each person and can be adapted to each different lifestyle.
“Self-care shouldn’t consistently feel like an additional stressor or obligation in your life. It may feel like that at first, but with routine and consistency, self-care can make you feel more balanced overall. You may also need to adjust what you do for self-care throughout your life as things change – and that’s completely normal,” Archibald said.
In such a fast paced world, it is vital to remember to take some time for oneself.
“Self-care is pretty simple. It’s really just about being intentional with what brings you joy. Choosing, on purpose, the things that make you feel like yourself in a world that’s always trying to pull you in a hundred different directions. Once you figure that out, just do more of it,” Thompson said.
