photo credit: Shiv Majmundar
Rating: 4 ½/5 stars
What’s The Scariest Movie of The Year™? I mean, the movie everyone’s talking about, the one studios probably shouldn’t even release, the won’t-sleep-for-a-week movie? It’s more of a promise than a real title. And the movie cursed with that promise has a lot to live up to.
This year’s movie was probably “Weapons,” writer/director Zach Cregger’s sophomore effort. His first film, “Barbarian,” was a pleasant (read: panic-inducing) surprise. Needless to say, I wanted to see his second film the day it came out. You’re immediately hooked by the premise – it has the vibe of an urban legend you weren’t supposed to hear, an idea full of mystery, of promise, of danger. 17 children walk out into the night at the same time and never come back. Horror thrives, like comedy, on setup. And this movie has a killer setup.
I ended up watching this movie on my computer (I need a 123movies sponsorship, at this point). At night, of course.
It was a moderately stupid idea.
At first, we follow Justine Gandy (played in a standout role by Julia Garner), the third-grade teacher of the class who went missing. She’s an outcast in a town that blames her for the disappearance of the children. She’s the first one to notice the obviously sus house of the one kid in the whole class, Alex, who didn’t go missing.
But where I began to regret watching this movie with the lights out was when we shifted to the POV of Archer Graff, played by Josh Brolin. He’s a cop and the dad of one of the missing children. Graff enters a dream sequence, one in which he follows his missing son (who runs in the creepy T-pose which I must mention now, because you’re going to see it a lot this Halloween) into a house with an AK-47 floating above it. And you already know what’s about to happen next.
But you’re doomed to follow Graff into a dark hallway, watch him slowly grab the door handle, slide it open. His son is under the covers. His eyes are placid, sightless. At this point, I’m begging for the jumpscare. Graff cries, apologizing to his son. It’s a heartfelt moment. He looks up, trying to find his son’s eyes again, and. . .
That jumpscare I was begging for. It’s here. Only I want it gone now. It’s a clown lady, looking like Pennywise’s great-great grandma. She’s grinning at the camera. My laptop nearly slides off my lap. My headphones are roughly yanked from the jack.
Meanwhile, Graff wakes up from the dream. He gasps, shakes, kicks the blankets away, and shouts: “What the f***?”
Appropriate reaction.
I turned the movie off after that. It was time to tackle it tomorrow. I watched it the next day.
It’s Cregger’s utter command of tension that makes moments like these possible. Throughout the film, no matter the character we follow, we’re constantly roped into the mystery. Every time you feel within shouting distance of figuring it all out, the movie focuses on a new character, whose story comes at this central mystery from a different, often unexpected direction. And it’s this aspect of “Weapons” that makes it so memorable. Cregger gives you one piece of the puzzle at the time, until the piece you don’t have now becomes the scariest thing in the whole movie.
The only issue with “Weapons?” The completed puzzle isn’t all that scary.
This movie batters you with brute fright and expertly crafted suspense for maybe more than half of its runtime. The build-up is extraordinary. The payoff though?
Let’s just say, it’s not what you expect.
Essentially, the reason behind the disappearance of the 17 kids has to do with the witch Aunt Gladys, who is staying at Alex’s house. This witch saps energy from the people she controls, or “weaponizes,” hence the movie’s title. The movie’s final act is a wild, darkly hilarious catharsis. It also may be the most underwhelming aspect.
You may not expect a movie as terrifying (for the first hour or so) as “Weapons” to resolve its central conflict with the idea, “How many third graders could you beat in a fight?” But that’s literally how it ends. Alex, the lone child, escapes his weaponized parents and uses Aunt Glady’s magic to turn his former classmates on the witch herself (smart horror movie kid shoutout). The tone shifts from dark thriller to outright comedy as Gladys tears through house after house, screaming. The kids tear her to pieces at the end. Fun for the whole family!
At the end of the day, let “Weapons” be what it wants to be. Sometimes, it wants to be the scariest movie of the year. Other times, it wants to be the funniest. The key is to let it play out like it does and avoid using your expectations to judge it. This movie will do what it wants. It will go in directions you don’t expect, switch tones, and be a whole lot of fun. It’s deftly made, at times confusing, but always compelling. I dug it.
