photo credit: Grant Ruof
This isn’t a diss-track or me “calling out” any of my long-term-relationship friends because I truly wish them the best, from the ones who just started dating two months ago or the couple I know that is coming up on five years. Maybe they’ll be high school sweethearts some day, who knows? Either way, we can establish that this isn’t the norm, especially for a bunch of teenagers.
While being in the middle of a relationship may feel like the end-all-be-all of high school social life, it really isn’t. In fact, less than two percent of high school relationships actually end in marriage, according to The Accolade.
Despite this, it seems like just about every other couple thinks that they’ll be the exception. But in reality, high schoolers have a higher chance of getting accepted to Harvard than marrying a high school sweetheart.
These low chances of lasting relationships could be attributed to many things depending on the situation.
“Steady romantic relationships in high school typically last six months for 16 year olds and about a year for 17 and 18 year olds [with] 63 percent of high schoolers [having] been on at least one date before the 12th grade,” according to the Handbook on Adolescent Psychology.
Despite all these facts, dating in high school is still extremely common and often seen as a rite of passage.
With an average of 57 percent of teenagers (between the ages of 12 and 17) regularly dating, a third of them have a “steady partner”, according to Linda Lindsey’s novel Gender Sociological Perspectives.
This so-called “rite of passage” has been depicted everywhere in the media, from coming-of-age movies to TV shows for young kids. Every Disney princess had a prince and every other coming of age movie centers around young adults dreaming of romance and love. So it’s no wonder this is something that many real life teens feel so reliant on.
However, it seems that in recent years, the concept of high school dating is changing dramatically from the way we know it to be shown. Love that was once shown through a boom box serenade (Say Anything 1989) or a romantic kiss in the rain (The Notebook 2004) is now being expressed through non-labeled and uncommitted “situationships”. Love this
One large contributor to this change, the advancements in technology. According to The Marker, iPhones have played a role in this change, leading many young couples to, “rely heavily on digital lifelines—FaceTime calls every night, constant texting, and Snapchat updates throughout their days apart.” And while this may seem like a beneficial way to stay in contact, today’s relationships are facing, “a distinctly modern challenge: they rarely [see] each other in person.”
But even more than just a technological shift, it seems that the entirety of high school dating cultures has changed to drastically differ from the traditional young love that we are so accustomed to seeing in the media.
“For many teens who date, relationships have become increasingly ambiguous. The lines between labels are now unclear, confusing teenagers looking for a genuine connection,” The Marker states.
From these modern changes and confusion, creating even more stress on the already stressful complex of high school dating. From this has formed the slang term “situationship”, which, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, is defined as “a romantic relationship between two people who do not yet consider themselves a couple but who have more than a friendship.”
These seemingly fleeting titles (or lack of them) are followed by their own band of issues and negative connotations; with cons such as uncertainty, lack of consistency, commitment issues, and disloyalty according to Psychology Today.
Not only is there a change in dating styles occurring, but also a shift in the amount of teens in romantic relationships. According to research from the American Institute for Boys and Men, “teen dating is rapidly declining nationwide.” With only, “56 percent of Gen Z adults reporting that they had a romantic relationship during their teen years.” This is a significant change from Baby Boomers and Gen X-ers who were at a reported 78 and 76 percent in their teen years.
Let me reiterate, dating in high school isn’t a terrible thing. Romantic relationships in teenage years can be vital to supporting developmental skills that will last a lifetime. However, it is important to stay independent and conscious about one’s decisions involving them. Remembering that a high school relationship isn’t the end of the world, and shouldn’t take forefront to one’s personal aspirations and goals.
