photo credit: Hiya Patel
For some people, self-love is a coping strategy. For others, it’s what keeps them calm or brings them joy, but for a small few, it’s a way of survival. For a 16-year-old junior at the high school, this couldn’t be more true. For the sake of her privacy, she has asked to remain anonymous.
Growing up queer in a strict household leads to many challenges. “I have a lot of problems at home with my parents. They always tell me when I mess up. They say I shouldn’t like a girl because it’s a sin, and I will go to hell. They don’t want me to hang out with my younger siblings because they say I can contaminate them,” the anonymous junior girl said.
Despite family conflict, she persevered through intense situations. It was a lot of years of pain and frustration, but many battles later, she has still managed to find peace within herself.
“Everyone will have an opinion of everything that you do, but you have to have confidence in yourself. You have to do what’s best for you,” the anonymous junior girl said.
Psychology Today estimates that 85 percent of adults and adolescents have low self-esteem.
“An impaired self-concept adversely interferes with a person’s ability to find happiness,” according to Psychology Today. And the anonymous junior girl agreed.
“Being confident about yourself and trying to make the decision that is best for you is so important,” she said.
She also said, based on personal experience, that high school students are too caught up with social media. The various features that ‘fix’ any stereotypically negative features are commonly known for creating unnecessary anxiety in teenagers.
“Stop using filters. You need to remember people don’t look like that in real life. It’s just a screen where people post the best version of themselves,” the anonymous junior girl said.
Many people find their confidence in something they are good at. Some people excel at academics while may find their self-assuredness in the arts or athletics.
“I started working out when I was 12 to gain muscle because I was severely underweight. Since then, I’ve been trying to be consistent to make myself stronger,” the anonymous junior girl said.
Throughout the winter months, many people struggle to fit in the same amount of activity they would during nicer weather. The shorter amount of light each day can lead to activities that lessen or don’t improve confidence such as watching hours upon hours of TV or napping. It’s important to plan one’s day so that one goes to bed at night feeling fulfilled and secure.
“I feel more productive if I get in a workout, sometimes after school and work and then the gym. It’s exhausting, but I will still feel better than if I hadn’t gone because I’m improving,” the anonymous junior girl said.
While being around other people can often help to increase confidence, it’s also important to spend quality time as an individual. People are constantly on the go, and it’s often not until they slow down that they realize just how much they need a break.
“I need my own time for myself because I’m mentally exhausted and need to do things for myself,” the anonymous junior girl said.
Cari Lotko is a school psychologist at the high school. She has several important reminders to maintain the highest amount of self-worth and confidence.
“Confidence is the key to achieving goals, being successful and finding happiness. Becoming confident requires an individual to cultivate a confident mindset. This means that, in any situation, maintaining a positive and accurate understanding of yourself which includes recognizing and embracing your unique skills, talents and knowledge,” Lotko said.
Navigating self-care through confidence can be a really hard task. It’s best to start with small things and slowly work up to bigger things. Asking for help and allowing oneself to take up space are often a safe bet to start. Allow yourself to partake in new experiences and try new things.
“Doing the same routine every day, you will have a feeling of emptiness. You need to do something with meaning,” anonymous said. “Confidence will shape us and turn us into who we are and into how we see ourselves,” anonymous said.
Teens especially tend to struggle with these skills.
“Teenagers often compare themselves to their peers, celebrities or people they follow online, which can trigger feelings of insecurity. Embracing a confident mindset helps them be happy with who they are, without feeling the need to change just to fit in. A confident mindset allows teenagers to recognize that everyone is unique and special, including them,” Lotko said.
Continually, in high school, teenagers and young adults feel the need to be in a relationship to search for their identity and purpose. But, on the contrary, finding importance in adolescence is vital. Independence means different things to different people. However, at its most fundamental level, it means having self-reliance and determination.
According to the National Library of Medicine, teens’ expectations of relationships are becoming established during this period, and negative experiences at this stage appear likely to carry forward into future relationships and contribute to worsening psychological functioning over time. Teens may experience more mental anguish when confronted with difficult relationship situations if they lack the skills to be in one. Furthermore, it’s important for adolescents to balance their independence and rely on themselves before diving straight into a relationship.
“Deciding to be single depends on the person, and where they are at in their journey with themselves, but it allows you time to focus on yourself and what you want and pursue your passions. To be fair, you should be able to do those things in a healthy relationship but being single gives you time to not yet have to consider another person on that journey,” psychology teacher Brooke Sandy said.
Being single can be a rewarding phase of life that allows for personal growth, freedom and self-discovery. Often, adolescents want to be in relationships to feel better about themselves and hope to fix insecurities by getting validation from a partner. But studies have shown that being single has many benefits and searching for a relationship constantly can be exhausting.
“Especially at this age, we’re exploring who we are, and most girls I know my age and in high school don’t have a high self-confidence or sense of self, and having self-confidence at a young age, I think is very important for our mental health,” freshman varsity field hockey player Riley Colvert said.
According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, a major cause of teenagers wanting to be in relationships is that they are in a new environment. Teenagers are figuring out who they are, and one way to explore themselves is through relationships. However, teenagers rely too much on how their partner thinks of them and basing their entire identity on just that opinion. Teenagers, thinking they’re lovable if they’re loved, is a false sense of security, Being independent gives one the ability to care for oneself emotionally.
“The balance in a relationship comes from being open-minded; understanding and accepting your partner’s opinions without compromising your own thoughts and beliefs,” junior and Vice President of Science National Honor Society Naviya Kamalakannan said.
No one person can provide everything to someone that they need to be happy, and expecting them to might result in pressure, controlling behavior, jealousy and insecurities. According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, if someone is in a relationship, it’s important to compromise and communicate, and prioritize their independence along with supporting their partner.
“Not worrying about some guy in a talking stage or situationship is very freeing. It allows me to focus on things that are very important to me, like school, sports, and making new friends,” Colvert said.
Happiness is a single job, not a relationship. People should take responsibility for how they feel about their life. If they’re not happy, understand all areas of life, like a career, home environment, hobbies, health and relationships with family and friends; bits and pieces build a healthy mindset, especially in adolescence. If teenagers go through life depending on a relationship, they could miss an opportunity to develop important life skills.
“A large part of adolescence and early adulthood is developing your identity, your sense of self. It is important for students to have independence in developing and understanding who they are, what their morals and values are, and working on their self-confidence because that shapes who you are as a person and while your friends and people around you may change, you have yourself through it all,” Sandy said.
Being independent and having high expectations for a relationship makes adolescents healthier, increases their self-esteem and creates healthy decision making. Independence is a state of mind and once that self-reliance is accomplished, every decision made is based on independent beliefs. Learning to support oneself is fundamental for any success and cultivates a sense of empowerment.
Treating one’s body right is another main component to feeling good about oneself, physically and mentally. The way that people treat their bodies can determine how much energy they have, how good they feel and many other factors so it’s important to have good physical habits to take care of oneself.
“I always try to get my own workout in. I try to work out four out of five days during the work week, and I then just do general activity at home whether that’s playing with my kids, throwing the ball around and doing things with them and going on walks in the evening,” conditioning & weight training coach Jason McKendrick said.
McKendrick doesn’t just teach students about conditioning. He also teaches students about sleep habits, nutrition and more. Having healthy habits may seem easy at first, but it can be easy to break those habits and start bad habits.
“Self-discipline is huge. It plays a major role because you have all these other factors that influence your day. You must have the discipline and consistency to put that time in for yourself,” McKendrick said.
Life doesn’t always go as expected, so one must be prepared for what’s coming in order to keep up with their habits.
“One of the hardest parts about maintaining healthy habits is unpredictability. Being able to change while still keeping those habits is a skill that’s hard to learn but once learned is very beneficial,” senior Lance Jenkins said.
Jenkins tries to workout every day, eat healthy and stay active throughout the day. If someone isn’t currently living a healthy lifestyle and wants to get started, finding motivation and figuring out where to start can be difficult.
Some examples of habits to start could be reducing screen time or getting enough sleep.
According to cdc.gov, Teens need more sleep than adults and the amount varies by how old they are. Too little sleep can be related to obesity because not getting enough sleep can make them eat more and be less physically active.
“Start small. Create some small goals that you know you can accomplish. Whether that’s just going on a walk, start small and then accomplish that goal then reset for another goal that’s a little bit harder. Once you set a foundation, then you can create a big goal you can go after because you built in consistency,” McKendrick said.
“It’s all a mental mindset. Most of the time when you’re working you must push your limits sometimes,” senior Bryson Manibog said.
Jenkins tries his best to maintain his healthy lifestyle by holding himself to achieve his goals and having self-discipline. A good example of a healthy physical habit is getting on a consistent schedule in the gym.
“Put in the work and start staying consistent. If you stay consistent in the gym, you’ll start seeing results. You won’t see results in one day, so you have to train hard,” Manibog said.
If someone consistently trains hard in the gym, then taking rest days can be very beneficial to them and their body.
“If you’re training hard, you’re breaking the body down, and if you break the body down over and over again it doesn’t have time to rebuild. So, you want to give your body time to recover so that it repairs and gets stronger,” McKendrick said.
Living a healthy lifestyle may seem easy at first, but it can be more challenging than some think. According to a study by Cross River Therapy, approximately 45 percent of teens in high school are victims of stress, and more than 61 percent of teens, ages 13 to 17, suffer from stress through schoolwork. Therefore, the school community is aware of a stressful lifestyle and is working on ways to encourage healthy habits.
Mental health has been a talking point in the media recently, from some calling it a hoax concocted by those who wish to manipulate the youth, while others come to its defense, citing the disastrous effects of poor mental health on humanity as a whole.
“I find that the depreciation of mental health is not because of a single cause, that can be easily fixed. I would argue that it comes from an array of different causes,” a psychology graduate student, receiving his master’s degree next year at Southern New Hampshire University, Sahej Singh said
Due to the vast nature of mental health, it’s a confusing subject for many people who aren’t educated about different disorders. Many mental health disorders present the same symptoms, so the diagnosis can be difficult in the beginning and widely varies among people, according to the National Institute of Health. Therefore, because of its ever-present, yet confusing existence, teens have an important need to create and maintain positive mental habits.
“Doing activities that increase the serotonin in your brain will almost always have a positive effect on your brain. This can be achieved through doing habits such as taking walks, petting your pets and getting and giving hugs,” Singh said.
Serotonin is crucial to maintaining healthy habits when discussing the mind. Serotonin is known as the “happy hormone” for a reason, and that is because it is the backbone of happiness itself, according to the Cleveland Clinic.
“To maintain healthy habits, I like to journal my feelings or something that’s on my mind. I also like listening to different types of music like rap or some slow music based on my mood to keep me upbeat or to slow me down,” senior Joslin Chacko said.
Experts don’t suggest only one way to maintain healthy habits; they suggest maintaining habits using a variety of methods including taking walks, focusing on eating healthy, getting proper sleep or breathing exercises to help avoid panic attacks, according to Very Well Health. There is an array of different methods one can utilize to elevate their mood and overall mental wellbeing.
“To avoid bad habits, I try not to be so hard on myself, and I usually pray for strength to help me. It can be hard but setting up a reward system or trying to understand the motive of why I’m doing a bad habit helps,” Chacko said.
To maintain a healthy emotional state, it is not just dependent on maintaining good habits that increase the “happy hormone” or serotonin levels but also expelling bad habits. These bad habits can be anything that disrupts one’s emotional equilibrium, according to averyneal.com.
“The best way to get rid of a bad habit is to gain a vision of their future selves and from that create goals, small or big, and then work to those goals. Doing this is a great formula to kill bad habits,” Singh said.
Both systems proposed by Singh and Chacko involve creating a sort of system to expel bad habits. Chacko went through the reward system, while Singh opted for a goal-based system. Creating systems can aid in the quest of getting rid of bad habits so good habits can form.
“Some forms of media that I would personally like to recommend to those struggling with mental health are ‘The Mentalist’. ‘The Mentalist’ is a show about a detective solving cases in a witty manner. This show helped me cope with my own mental health because the primary detective, Patrick Jane, would use various methods to cope with his own losses in life,” Singh said.
Watching a show about someone who struggles with mental health issues but also conquers them in a step-by-step manner can seriously aid someone in their journey to winning against their unhealthy habits.
During this season of love and romance, remember that this love can apply to oneself. Practicing self care as well as healthy relationships and relationship boundaries can be vitally important to maintaining a healthy mindset, this time of the year and always.
Be the first to comment