photo credit: Audrey Selsor
A 65 year old is sitting on a beach, with her husband she has been with since high school, playing with their children and grandchildren in front of her, and her best friend sitting beside her, all while reminiscing about the relationships she had throughout her life. Throughout all those relationships, there were multiple struggles, yet she somehow managed to find the people she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. She built the relationships through time, effort and communication.
High school relationships are sometimes seen by some as short lasting or as relationships that get teens ready for older more mature relationships. However, this isn’t always the case. Some relationships start at a young age, and the couple gets the opportunity to grow up together.
“When we were in eighth grade, we were both playing soccer and the girls were cheating due to us losing. I was grabbing his jersey, and he didn’t know who was behind him, so he swung his arm and clotheslined me. I then collapsed, started sobbing and he felt so bad. I made him feel bad about it for a long time. That then turned into cute, little flirting,” English Teacher Elizabeth Stringer said.
Relationships take a lot of work and mutual effort in order to have the opportunity to last. Strong and healthy relationships don’t just happen without large amounts of open communication, according to New York State.
“We work through struggles in our relationship by talking things through and compromising when we have an issue that comes up. We either do this or bring problems we have before it becomes a big issue,” Junior Skylar Dean said. Dean has been in a relationship for a year.
Working together and compromising is a huge part of any healthy mutual relationship. It is especially important when someone is sharing a part of their life with someone like they do in a romantic relationship. Working together and listening to each other takes a lot of communication and dedication. This open communication builds trust, according to New York State.
“One way we maintain a strong relationship is by trusting each other and by listening to the other person. We also talk positively about each other when talking to our friends or when one of us isn’t around. This is something I value a lot,” Dean said.
This doesn’t change as a relationship continues over time. Relationships deepen as the couple spends more time with each other and learns more about each other. A partner has to want to put the work in and have a mutual respect for a significant other and that relationship in order for the relationship to work.
“We have different personalities and different hobbies but there are enough things that we both love. We make sure we prioritize things that we both enjoy so we then can do those things together. Finding ways to enjoy things that the other person likes to do is important,” Stringer said.
Relationships that start in high school and even middle school can last for very long periods of time when two people are committed to each other and willing to grow and learn together. Stringer has been in a relationship with her husband from high school for nearly 17 years.
“Relationships should be work, but they shouldn’t be so much work where you don’t find joy in them as well. Going in knowing that every day that you are with that person you are choosing to be with that person and willing to put in the work with that person,” Stringer said.
Most people who do date in high school mimic other relationships that they are around. They learn from the relationships between their parents or older siblings who have been in romantic relationships. However, each relationship is unique and cannot be defined by the relationships of other people and this is why numerous couples go to marriage counseling. It is proven that around 70-90 percent of couples who go through this find it beneficial to their relationship, according to a study done by Well Marriage.
“My relationship advice is to find someone who you can see valuing you in the long run for who you are as a person, as well as someone who will take time to do the things that you’re interested in,” Dean said.
Healthy relationships take a lot of hard work, communication, dedication and trust. These things all develop as people learn about each other and see what their significant other values in life.
However, this not only applies to romantic relationships. Lasting childhood friendships are also one of the longest lasting friendships a person can experience and demand a lot of hard work and dedication. These long-lasting connections can lead to a deep connection paralleling no other.
“She [Kaitlyn] understands a lot of where I’m coming from and experiences that I’ve had with my husband, while I am able to tell him about, he didn’t get to experience those with me. So, the fact that we understand each other so well really provides me extra and additional support,” Spanish Teacher Alexandra Tony said.
This connection is not only held between adult friendships but also in youth or teenage friendships. The friendships in one’s youth are extremely important for this developmental stage in one’s life according to the Society for Research in Child Development.
“It’s really important, especially for teens, because this is the age where you’re starting to break away from your family and begin to be more independent while finding out what you value as a person. And friends can have a huge impact on that,” Human Relationships Teacher Jasmine Reilly said.
But throughout time, it can seem hard to keep these positive relationships because no friendship is perfect. It can be hard to stay close with someone but not impossible.
“I was able to stay so close with her because we put in equal amounts of effort into the friendship. We would both reach out and ask to talk, hang out and plan things,” sophomore Riley Brooks said about one of her best friends.
A relationship can only be as healthy as the communication in which it is built on according to Grand Canyon University. Getting through hardships relies heavily on healthy communication.
To work out issues, “We usually send a message to the other person asking them why they did something the way they did, to make sure that it doesn’t come across as aggressive and to ensure that we can fully work it all out,” Brooks said.
Once someone realizes their compatibility with someone else, it can create a friendship stronger than most others.
“When we were in high school, we would see each other every day, so you don’t really talk about deep stuff; we would just talk about boys, clothes and dances. But now as we’re getting older, we’re talking about our mental health and what’s going on with our families,” Tony said.
Friendships aren’t always easy; rough patches are common. This struggle can become even more difficult and apparent as one gets older, and the world seems to speed up.
“People at this point have spouses or kids, and life just gets busier. So sometimes the thought of looking for a friend goes out the window,” Reilly said.
Hardships aren’t uncommon, and they aren’t only found when looking for friendships, but also occur when a friendship is established. Being so mentally connected with someone leads to much vulnerability, but this isn’t a weakness, it’s a way to grow, according to the LA Concierge Psychologist website.
“People are messy, and people make mistakes. So even though friendship is so necessary for people to be mentally, physically and emotionally healthy, because we are around people who are imperfect, we are going to be hurt by our friends because they are also figuring out life in general,” Reilly said.
Using these relationships as learning experiences is a vital part of one’s individual growth.
“Part of the risk of being close to someone is being hurt by those people, but friendship also teaches us forgiveness and resilience, and it teaches us how to think about others more than ourselves,” Reilly said.
The risk of this pain doesn’t compare to the possible rewards.
“Having someone who knows me so well is really rare. Even my husband doesn’t know certain aspects of my life that my best friend understands because she grew up with me,” Tony said.
Friendships are one of the most significant connections throughout someone’s life, having the ability to last a lifetime. While one’s friends may not be the first people to come to mind when someone talks about love, they’re some of the most vital.
Another common type of love, that can often be taken for granted, is the love between a parent and child.
The love between a parent and a child relationship can be unconditional, meaning that the two can show and express their love and affection with no limitations. Love plays a big role in the parent-child dynamic while giving each person loads of responsibility.
According to VeryWellMind, experts don’t focus on what contributes to “normal” child development, but the fact that there are various factors that might lead to psychological problems during childhood. This is why in order to have a strong relationship, both the parent and the child should set clear boundaries, to let each other know what they are and what they aren’t comfortable with.
“I have three kids and my youngest is a junior at Orange. I believe in rules, I believe in respect, and I always tell my kids that respect is a two-way street, to receive you have to give,” Attendance Secretary and parent Carol Beechey said. “Boundaries are very important.
A lot of parents have to remember it’s a mother-child relationship and not a friend- child relationship, so I think that’s where boundaries and rules are super important.”
The bond in a parent-child relationship depends heavily on the closeness between them and their comfort, which will also affect how they communicate with each other. This factor is what pushes the parent and the child to be more open, and it leads to a more healthy connection.
“We’re pretty close, we talk about everything,” junior Chloe Beechey, daughter of Carol Beechey said. “But obviously we keep our distance when it comes to certain topics that could be sensitive to one another, for example: relationships with other people.”
In a parent’s position, the parent should show their love through warmth, support, acceptance and in many other ways. Giving this to their child allows them to understand what it is like to be loved and how to properly show that love to someone or something else.
“We show love by being supportive, not necessarily agreeing with everything that the kid says, but at least emphasizing with their desire to do things or have things that they can’t necessarily have,” Science Teacher Kevin Guse said. “And also spend as much time with them as you can.”
In this type of relationship, there are going to be times where there are disagreements and conflicts; they can rise into something big and affect both parties, or other times it can be something small. Still, knowing how to navigate or how to get past the disagreement is what can also provide both parties to know how to communicate with each other better in the future.
“It would be very important to talk and listen to one another; the most important part is to listen to what that person has to say,” Carol Beechey said.
According to PsychCentral, if the parent is encouraging, then the child is most likely to build trust; a lot of times, children are more inclined to trust someone who is consistent, which means that the parent should follow through with different things and learn how to take responsibility.
“We build our trust by keeping each other updated with what’s going on and not lying to each other because I know I don’t like lying to my mom,” Chloe Beechey said. “I know that I don’t have to lie to her about something and keeping her trust is what builds the relationship for us.”
In all, love in a parent-child dynamic is something that is very crucial to a child’s upbringing and their growth. And in order for this relationship to prosper, both the parent and the child need to be in the moment, remain honest with one another and overall, take the time to bond with each other.
There are a lot of people to be grateful for during this Valentine’s Day season. The holiday does not just have to be about the love that is depicted in the media, but the love that people experience in everyday life. So, as The Prime Minister says in Love Actually, “If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”