design: Lilly Wood
Though February is the season for love and romance, for many it’s also heartbreak season as relationships end and “situationships” fizzle out with the pressure of becoming serious. With broken hearts comes impulsive texts and begging exes to get back together.
Rash decisions like these can very easily turn into messy situations. So, think twice before sending that text because it’ll probably make it harder to get over that person in the future.
But how does someone move on then? The answer varies between people and situations but the general way to get over someone is by letting oneself process the feelings and what was lost, letting go of those feelings, and recognizing oneself as an individual with unique hobbies, thoughts, and feelings.
The first step to getting over someone, whether it was a crush, a situationship, or even an ex, is to wallow in the feelings and process them. Allowing oneself to feel all the feelings is the first step to get over someone according to choosingtherapy.com.
If this person played a significant role in someone’s life, it’s common to struggle moving on from them afterwards. Significant time and effort were devoted to them and when all of that is just suddenly gone; it takes some time to get used to that.
By processing their feelings, a person also learns to separate themselves from what they feel about the person, how they feel about things ending, and how they felt during the relationship. This gives them a chance to slowly let go of all the feelings this person brought them, which is the second step of getting over someone.
For people in situationships, this step of moving on can be trickier than people trying to move on from relationships. Situationships are known for being an unofficial in-between of a talking stage and a relationship.
Situationships tend to be confusing and feelings are easily hurt because of the lack of communication and unofficial status. Since no part of the situationship was ever official with the person they’re trying to move on from, people in situationships often feel like their feelings aren’t valid and shouldn’t be mourning the person they lost since the person was never technically with them to begin with.
It’s especially important for these people to take a little longer to process their feelings and relationship with the person. They have to acknowledge that even if it wasn’t official, their feelings were real and they have every right to feel whatever they’re feeling.
Though for some people, letting go can be done by simply thinking through their feelings, and for others some way of expressing these feelings is necessary. According to a sophomore girl, a good way to let go of one’s feelings is by saying them out loud to someone who is just willing to listen.
Another important part of letting go is for a person to establish some distance between themselves and the person they’re attempting to get over. It’s hard to let go of all the feelings about them if that person is constantly showing up in their life and reminding them of those feelings.
After letting go of the feelings, someone can go into to the third step of moving on: remembering and embracing who they are without this person. Lots of people forget that they were an independent person with their own hobbies, thoughts and feelings before this person came into their life and it’s important to remember that individuality.
In the process of getting over someone, it’s also important to remember that progress is not linear; someone can often think they’re almost done moving on and then go back into those feelings of missing and mourning the person once again. This is completely OK and normal. As long as they’re trying, they will get over this person at some point.
So, this Valentine’s Day, instead of moping around and missing the one who got away, try getting over them. Even if it’s a little bit at a time, the process of moving on has begun and that’s what matters.
