design & illustrations: Mazzy Seigneur
The year’s old saying “never judge a book by its cover” is gone with the recurrent popularization of astrological signs. I’ve compiled a perfect ranking of each sign based on my personal experience—so don’t take it too seriously.
- Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Virgos have always been the backbone of my life that I can’t quite let go of. I can acknowledge their underlying manipulativeness and issues, but I think I might just be attracted to the toxicity. They’re like a drug I’m addicted to: I hope to one day get over them, but I fear it’ll never happen.
2. Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
All Cancers are depressed, but it’s the aesthetic depression received from watching “La La Land.” Sometimes I wish I was a Cancer just so I could fit in the artsy, emo niche and be the next Lana Del Rey.
3. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Sagittarius individuals are the talented people of the world who everyone looks up to as superstars, examples including Taylor Swift and Nicki Minaj. They would be the popular kids in school, but also the nice ones that people wouldn’t gossip about behind their backs.
4. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Scorpios have a reputation of being terrible, evil people; but in reality, they’re some of the most compassionate people in the world. They’re a group of hippies that just want peace in the world and their status is built upon jealousy.
5. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
I feel bad for putting this so high since it’s my sign, and I don’t like myself. But, it’s undeniable how unproblematic Aquarius people are. The astrology fandom consistently puts Aquarius at the top of its lists because everyone loves them—they’re a fan favorite!
6. Pisces Women (February 19 – March 20)
I need to specify women because Pisces men are obnoxious and unfunny. Pisces women, on the other hand, are kind and supportive. Everyone can always count on a Pisces woman to bring them up when things are getting tough.
7. Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Leos aren’t my favorite sign, but I still have a strong respect for them. They’re always in the shadows of others; yet they carry on strong and persevere through their unsuccessful lives.
8. Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Geminis are a hit or miss and there are two types: the inherently evil ones and the kinder ones. People must go into a new relationship hoping they found a good one, but there’s nothing they can do once they end up with a bad one.
9. Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus personalities have little meaning to me, so it all comes down to their looks. There’s a clear distinction between attractive Taurus people and the ugly ones. Some could be models while others have the ‘ick’.\
10. Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Libras are kind of irrelevant: they just sit and do nothing. It’s hard to hate them because they didn’t do anything wrong, but there’s nothing to like either. They’re more of the extra addition to a friend group rather than someone’s best friend.
11. Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Aries have little to no good traits to them. Aries try extremely hard to be cool but end up just embarrassing themselves. While I do like some Aries people, their astrological sign is my least favorite thing about them.
12. Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
I can’t even begin to explain my extreme hatred for Capricorns. The name in itself makes me want to barf. People with this astrological sign have a lower value in society purely because of the day they were born. I pity Capricorns, but sometimes life sucks—just more for them than anyone else.
Dates ranges for the astrological signs were found through Allure. https://www.allure.com/story/zodiac-sign-personality-traits-dates
